To conclude, I have abso-fucking-lutely no idea. Hi! I’m Nicki, and I wanted to be a teacher, a psychiatrist, and an army nurse when I wanted to grow up. They all have something in common – there are dog tags involved.
Oh, wait. They all help people. The dog tag part was the only reason I ended up with army nurse. I wanted to get dog tags, but had to be in the military for that, knew I wouldn’t be up for fighting (before I realized they didn’t let girls do that), and doctor sounded too hard, so I “settled” on nurse. Honestly, I know now I wouldn’t be up for that, either. Nurses kick ass and deal with more shit than I ever could. Kudos to them – if you’re a nurse, I am grateful for your willingness to put up with my butt when I’m at my worst.
I believe I got off track. Teachers, psychiatrists (I changed it to “psychologist” when I realized that the latter didn’t require a medical degree – too hard, once again), and nurses. They help people learn. They help people deal with the shit going on in their lives that those people don’t feel equipped to handle on their own. They administer medicine, save lives, and pick you up off the floor when you pass out in the bathroom a few hours after childbirth when you were too stupid to ask for help and bled all over the floor on your way to the potty.
Now, I’m good at helping people. I’m a good listener, I’m intuitive, and I pick up pretty well on what people aren’t saying. I’m not good at it all the time, but with some training, I’d make a good therapist or psychologist or counselor.
But I love to write.
I worry I’m not very good at it.
That’s probably the sound of my insecurities raging their lovely heads (I have more than one). But they’re not completely out of order.
I have evidence I’m good at helping people. Life experience, et cetera.
I don’t have evidence that I’m very good at writing. I don’t have many sales. I don’t have many books up for sale, even. (Yes, one follows the other. I know that.) I’m not even very good at marketing, even though my day job includes that word in my title. (Honestly, it’s like throwing spaghetti at the floor. You know you’ve generally got the right idea, but it’s mostly just a guess.)
So what do you do when you’re not very good at what you love?
Work harder? I mean, writing more will bring in more trickling sales. One or two with every new release. I probably still know everyone who buys one. But maybe it won’t be that way forever? Who knows. It depends on how much I suck.
But I don’t know the answer, so if you came here hoping for one, you’re going to leave disappointed.
Sorry about that.